Knowing when to say "when"

I recently had to make a tough decision:
I have resigned from a theater company with whom I worked for the past 18 months.

While this was a tremendously difficult choice, it was also a huge learning experience for me.

Why am I writing about this? No, not to gossip, dish, nor gripe. (I still wish the best for them, hope for their success and would welcome an invitation to work again)

No, I am writing because I learned quite a bit about not only what I can tolerate from people with whom I work, but also what I deserve as someone who works as hard as I do (yes, I'm giving myself that one - thank you!)

Without getting too juicy in the graphic details of what went on, and how I was led to my decision, the bottom line was - I didn't fit the mold they were trying to create. I am trying not to think of things in "right and wrong" because little growth comes from such narrow and close-minded thinking.

No, but as a company member, I realized quite quickly that there were fundamental differences, crevasses in philosophy and attitudes that could not be bridged. As a result, regular conflicts were occurring, mounting disappointments and frustrations built up, and friendships were being strained (perhaps beyond repair - that will be known as time passes).

Despite it all, work was getting done. However, being honest, the work was getting done on the backs of 4 core members. One can easily deduce, I was one of them - and it was getting tiring. I had reached my breaking point about a month before I took action.

Why had I stuck around?
2 reasons:

1) I had made a commitment to my friend and playwright, Wes. That wasn't so difficult as his play was a joy to live in.

2) Revelation! I remained involved with this group out of fear.

THIS is the reason for this post. My fear was based on, "Well, at least I'm working. I don't know when something else will come around."
Don't get me wrong, I did believe in the company. But at my core, in the face of my constant struggle within the company, the underlying drive that kept me there was the desire to work.

And there's the rub. In a subtle way, I was undervaluing my talent and abilities. That statement above carries with it the implication that I believed (this does not feel good to realize) that I was not going to have other opportunities to work.
No more.
Which is why I came to the conclusion that I did.

To all those out there who might be considering working with me - know this: in a working environment -
I am ABOUT the work.
I AM about the WORK.
I am ABOUT the work.

get it?

To me it is very simple, but to others, apparently, that attitude (or the perception of that) can be very unnerving.
Why?
Because apparently, the truth can get uncomfortable. That fact, coupled with the attitude (mine) that it is not our job to make people comfortable, can throw off the people who need constant assurance and validation. What do I mean? when I am around people with whom I work who either do not step up and do shit, or don't follow through on what they say they're gonna do...I am not going to tell them, "no problem, it's OK." Because it isn't. I will behave accordingly. Mind you, that does not mean that I am rude or discourteous - No, I always remain cordial... period. But no more. And it was that belief and behavior that caused me to be perceived as "negative."
It came down to very differing philosophies, not "right and wrong."
We tried to make it work. We couldn't.

In that environment, I no longer felt safe to fully express myself, or the freedom to be me as I constantly felt scrutinized. It was time to go.

Ironically enough, a day before I followed through on my decision, I was invited to be in another Theater Company.

Fate?